sociallychallenged | (no subject)

[He cradles the egg carefully, running his fingers along it gently.]

It must be a Popplio. I took notes on how long the eggs would take to hatch. The Popplio takes the least amount of time.

[Connor looks at the egg fondly, then back up at Hank.]

What are you going to call yours?

Don't know. I figured I'd keep up the trend of naming them after the cops I grew up with.

[The ones that inspired his calling.]

That's the one that's like a dog mermaid isn't it?

[He's going to say that and watch Connor's face for a reaction for his shitty bullshit. He's not a dad anymore, but he can make kitschy little jokes from the days of yore still.]

Oh, good. You can give me some names too, then.

[He arches an eyebrow at the description, though.]

...Yes?

[Well, he's not wrong.]

[Hank's lightly amused with his own stupid joke, and honestly the deadpan humor in Connor that comes with it is kind of funny.]

A lot of people called seals those when I was in my twenties.

[Yup. He still is amused. No fucking shame.]

Too bad I can't show you some of those. I think you would have liked Due South. It was about a rough Chicago detective that ended up having a polite RCMP officer sent to work with him. [He's a little sad, come to think of it, now he can't even share reruns with Connor.]

Edited 2018-08-22 10:24 (UTC)

[He still doesn't look all that amused, even with context behind the joke.]

It does look rather like a mermaid when it's fully evolved, though.

[Connor is here to ruin every joke.]

Maybe I would have. I doubt we could watch it here, though.

[Connor ruining a joke is almost part of a joke.] I remember. [He just waves him off dismissively. Eh. He'll make him laugh one day. Or at least make him look annoyed with him.]

[But he sobers.]

Yeah. No metal, either. Or at least none I could take seriously.

[Hank is a perpetual sourpuss. But at least it's immediately followed by him pulling Tubbs into his lap.]

I miss metal.

[He says it while stroking the Spinarak's abdomen lightly. He's not sure where else to pet it.]

I didn't hear much of it, but I enjoyed it.

[He'd heard it in Hank's car, mostly. Those trips weren't exactly long, though. He seems a little amused by Hank just pulling the dog into his lap, at least.]

[He should have driven around with him more. When he learned to tolerate him, he should have just took him on long drives, blasted music, worked out the case with him. He should have brought him home and watched old TV series that he only has because he transferred them off DVDs when he was in his thirties.]

[Should have, should have, should have.]

Alright. So. I finally got a question about you.

When you were an android, what was the most annoying thing we did that you just... [He snaps his fingers by his ear.] That you suddenly get, now. There's got to be something.

[He thinks on it, still holding the egg in one arm.]

Well, nothing really annoyed me as such. I did find it inconvenient that you had to sleep for so long, though. It felt like a lot of time wasted that we could have been spending on the case.

[Now though, he knows just how difficult sleep is to ward off. And how important it is to get a good night's sleep.]

Funny how that stunning realization didn't help you not dump real fuckin' cold water on me as a human.

[He shakes his head in slight annoyance. But then adds.]

I hope you never find out, but it's a lot harder when your enthusiasm's gone. Going to sleep, your head churns through obligations. Waking up... all those are still there. Like a weight. Make it nearly impossible to get out of bed.

I mean, you can get up and get angry. That'll give you some energy. But who the fuck wants to start every day mad?

[Even Hank.]

Oversleeping is just as bad for you as not sleeping enough, you know.

[He looks down at the Spinarak in his lap though, frowning.]

I wish I could help you with that. I don't think I can, though.

I'd prefer the oversleeping to no sleep at all. [Hank snorts, and desperately misses Whiskey again in that moment. Instead he scruffs the dog, which pants loudly.]

You help a little bit. Part of it was just... fucking hating everyone. Thinking the world had no hope. But you gave me some hope in it. You let me save a life and punch a dick.

[At that bit he smiles a little at Connor. See? He helped.]

It's still not good for you.

[So while Connor is here, Hank doesn't have much chance of getting too much sleep. He smiles back, though it's a small one.]

I'm glad I helped a little, then.

[He moves the egg back to the little nest they've made and gently ushers the spider off his lap. Then he gets to his feet and stretches.]

We should get some sleep.

Connor. [Hank says firmly, pointing.] Put her away first.

[This also means he has to change clothes but luckily he got some sweats to sleep in. He'll be fine.]

Oh.

[He sighs, taking the pokeball from his belt and putting Charlotte away. Sorry, girl. The ceiling is still all webbed up from before. He doesn't bother with changing into something to sleep in, he just sheds most of the clothes he has on and crawls into bed like that. He gets comfortable under the sheets, and closes his eyes.]

...I like this part of being human. Before going to sleep.

[But he has nothing to keep him awake at night, or any fear of nightmares.]

[He looks over at Connor when he gets into bed, almost ready to say-] I wish that was me. [-But it's such a nice, restful sentiment, he can't stand to destroy it. He has this positive. He needs to give it to him. And he does look peaceful like that. Nigh on serene. Like a fucking painting or something.]

[Sure. Let's just be creepy and watch Connor sleep, right? Good move, Hank.]

[He rolls onto his side, back to Connor, and puffs up his pillow so it's properly supporting his head.]

[It's obvious when Connor is asleep, because his breathing becomes slow and deep, and he mumbles something as Crockett nestles itself behind his legs as usual. It sounds a lot like he says Hank's name.

The next morning, he wakes up before Hank as usual. It takes him a moment to shake himself out of sleep, before he crawls over and nudges Hank awake. He has to remember not to pour water on him this time.]

It's morning, Lieutenant. We're going for donuts.

[The sound of his name draws causes him to look around, but then he guesses he misunderstood. Or just that Connor's dreams aren't as heinous as his own. Maybe Hank's being decent to him in there.]

[Waking is like a cranky Hank reset. He can go to sleep having just basked in a tender, drowsing face, and then greet the world like there is the fucking sun, there is the fucking room, there is his fucking clothes that he has to put on, there is his fucking stupid human android poking him STOP POKING ASSHOLE.] No. I don't want it. Let me rest.

Wait, yeah. Donuts.

[And Hank is up. He is up faster than Connor has probably ever seen him, throwing his blanket over Connor's head and heading for the bathroom.]

[He's actually so shocked by Hank getting up so fast that he sits with the blankets over his head for a full few seconds before pushing them off and squinting after Hank. He lets out Charlotte again now that he's around to supervise her and checks on the eggs, and when Hank comes out of the bathroom he goes in after him, still kind of amazed at how easy that was.

When he's ready and dressed, back in his android uniform since it's clean, he adjusts his tie and pats Crockett as he passes it.]

I've never seen you move so fast.

[In the time Connor was in the bathroom, Hank has redressed in his breeder clothes (sans apron).]

I really want donuts.

[Perfectly reasonable explanation for that feat of athletics. He has even forgotten that it's about giving Connor donuts. He wants the fuckin' donuts for his own fuckin' face. Connor's just a beneficiary of his gluttony.]

I can tell.

[As seems to be a growing habit, he nearly walks into his Magnemite as he turns to open the door. He really wishes Crockett would float a bit higher.]

Let's go find some, then.

[Hank pushes open the door and holds it for Connor with his foot, letting Tubbs out too (who has decided to just scamper freely).]

[He shuts the door behind them when he's done and makes for the nearest place that he reasonably suspects might have fresh donuts, because this is Connor's first time, he remembers, and it really does need to be the best.]

[He already knows what he wants by the time he finds the place and situates himself at the counter. All he had to do was give the menu a grazing glance.]

I want two glazed donuts, a box of donut holes, and the deepest darkest fathomless fucking black coffee you can make me.

[Yes he will continue to swear in pokemon land.]

[The menu is a little overwhelming for someone who has never had donuts before. Eventually though, he decides.]

I'll get the chocolate one.

[Just one, because lord knows if he gets two he will eat them both and he's already planning on stealing some of those donut holes. Then he realises Charlotte followed him as well, and adds:]

And some poffins, please.

[Gotta feed the pokemon.]

[When Hank gets his food, he goes to sit down and, surprisingly, doesn't eat the donut first (for all that he sprinted out here to get it). He cups both his hands around the coffee and takes a long, luxurious sip of it. Like he's just remembering how fucking good coffee is.]

[He missed this.]

[Then he finally starts eating the donut exactly the opposite. That first one is practically stuffed in his mouth. But, oh yeah, he needs to watch Connor have his first one.]

[Charlotte skitters up onto the table and Connor feeds her a poffin first. He looks at her lovingly, just a man and his giant spider. Then he picks up his donut and takes a small bite. His eyes flick to Hank, and narrow again. Then, wordlessly, he takes another bite. You know what you did, Hank. You've gotten him hooked on something else that's bad for him.

The donut does not last long. He seems almost surprised when it's gone.]

They're messy...

[He seems bothered by the fact that his fingers are covered in chocolate, and starts wiping them on the nearest tissue.]